Obsession,
Stuff happening lately
Hey! i didn’t update last week, I’ve been under the weather. But i did get the chance to work a bit and do some soul searching. Well, now it’s all the jewish holidays back to back, it’s annoying and redundant and everything is basically closed. So i figured that if i’m locked inside my house i’ll start working on my new sketches for all my paintings. You already know i make everything digital first and then translate it to oils.
Oil paintings- Obsession
I just hate the smell, the dirt and overall, i hate materials- i love concrete. Walls, bridges, tunnels- overall things that are just really graphic.
Anyway, i digress, one of my main problems with painting in oils is that my paintings are censored by me- not only sexually, also about what i think of the world etc. I have this stupid basic fear that if i’ll paint what i Actually want, it won’t get the spotlight. That conclusion came to me with the help of my best friend Michal Kalinin, she knows me from one year before high school. I just got artistically blocked and i didn’t know what/where to go with this new series.
“Obsession” will have elements:
- I want it sexy (my sexy is actually slutty)
- I want it about fake merchandising
- I want electronics
- I wanted it like Classic art, but it changed into Current trends.
So i started to sketch, You already saw some of the older sketches,
i like him! but i just.. that leg! the arm looks odd also- WHO is he? I wanted originally to capture a “boy” youth/on how I was a boy but there’s nothing there. The first thing i did was to fix his pose a bit and i started to soul search inside… what interested me?
Stuffed animals! My little pony! D&D She-Ra’s sword, so much shit i LOVED when i was a boy and then- cock (Eggplant) funny, but true. But this will… might be, the only Boy i’ll paint. I always preferred Burly men, give them to me with some thickness and manly! (must come with a beard!)
Opening up with art
On this process I discussed with Michal that block i constantly get- With oils it’s like i want to paint master pieces so everything looks Meh to me. I put too much pressure on myself, that’s why i don’t have many oil paintings and most of them are not very good.
In digital i don’t mind doing stupid stuff/experiment/sketch- it’s digital. But this stupid paralyzing fear- stupid because i’m totally aware that i’m a fucking good artist. It tells me that the public won’t get “it” and won’t take me seriously as a Painter. I know it’s stupid, but i’m working on it.
The next day the big store i needed OPENED *insert hallelujah here* so i pretty much ran there, and i bought materials i needed for a new dress (image lower) and fill up with shit for the studio, i bought a small canvas, just a bit bigger than the palm of my hand. i’m going to paint:
I’ve been wanting to paint a stupid eye on a canvas just like everyone else does, but with my own taste. Also yup, i LOVE the Japanese language (text) i don’t know a word, i’ll just use a friend to translate for me. in this one it’s says “sex” look at the image and get the symbolism of the elements. Not telling you shit.
For this “head” i want to design a Bluetooth headphone, right now this is a real copy of a real-being-sold-at-amazon headphone. i don’t want to copy other people’s designs and i want it to look like something i’d buy, so it’s still being designed, the rest is There.
This is the new dress / doll design
So i’m going to keep pushing myself to be MYSELF with my art and say Fuck it. I don’t want to relay on stories/fanart/opinions. I want my art to be ME, that’s what i did with “freaks like me” and the feedback on that project was astounding. With FLM i actually created the art for ME. I just need to be me and it’s fucking hard not to lie to myself or block myself on the fear of looking like a moron.
Nuerva Update.
On Sunday i’m suppose to get all my feedback from you guys. Over the next week i’ll create a sketched out “finished” version and i’ll pitch it to Dark Horse. I doubt they will write back to me (they write only to those who they want to publish) but, i need to finish the art 100% and i need to create the campaign with steps. So i have a bit of time to burn until the beginning of 2018. I don’t want to clash with Christmas etc.
thank you for reading my weekly blog, I hope to be the best artist I can be. i want to make you proud.
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